it's technically past mothers day... well, maybe still in hawaii or japan? i dunno. but i'm still up so it's still mother's day for me. :P
but it doesn't matter cause this post isn't really about being a mom or motherhood or anything like that or about how awesome my kids are... (and they are. awesome.)
it's about my year. this really stinky year. and usually, i'd try to filter my statements about something being stinky, or not fun, or hard, or whatever cause i quickly remind myself that life is so much harder and more stinky and way less "fun" for other people in other places and i should be thankful for all i have and get some good perspective, but this time i won't. i'm just gonna say it, this has been a really stinky, frustrating year. i am thankful for all i have. i do realize all i have been blessed with. i know it could be worse in 6.37 million ways... but still, it's been a stinky, stinky year.
have there been wonderful moments? of course! but overall, i am not happy with it. why you ask? (or maybe you quit reading already cause you don't wanna read another venting post... that's ok, but you're gonna miss the good part) i'm not happy with it... because i'm not happy about how i've responded to it.
i've been filled with frustration. allowed myself to be easily irritated. been short and snappy and rude and annoyed with the world and people around me. i've been lazy, complaining and a bit hopeless. and i won't take the time to list off all the little things, because then i'd probably just try to justify it all.
through all this i'm trying to figure out how in the world people have put up with me??. either theyve just been oblivious; or they've noticed but havent' said anything; or they haven't noticed because really i'm ALWAYS like this and I'M just now seeing it and they're just used to putting up with it; or they've noticed and have loved me enough to say something.
what's funny is it's been a fairly new friend that has made a couple random comments about me saying something mean and inside i was like "whuht? that was mean? oh." let me tell you something, i appreciate that simple honest statement more than anything.. because i can learn from it. i can't learn or grow or change or repent or ask for forgiveness if i don't know what i've done. oh and yeah. there's still plenty i DO know about and constantly battle and regret doing or saying, but for those times AND other times that i don't realize it... i need help!
now, believe me, i understand how hard it is to go to someone and tell them they aren't being that great or that they've hurt you through their words or actions, but if you honestly care about that relationship, then say something. it won't be easy, it's hard being vulnerable and saying you've been hurt, but the people i can trust the most are the ones who will tell me like it is. is it hard to hear? of course. ive never thought of myself as a very likable person to begin with; i'm bossy and controlling, stubborn and proud, overly independent, harsh and opinionated... and a host of other things that i try to die to... but the people i trust the most are the ones who have come to me and been upfront about the way i've acted or something i said that wasn't of good character or was hurtful. i trust them, because i know they've got my back... because they were willing to put themselves in an uncomfortable spot to help me be a better person.
so. that's it. that's what's in this overstuffed mind and heart. it's pretty ugly. the hardest part has been in feeling like all these dumb little frustrations have been such a waste, but i have to remind myself that one thing i try to focus on with the kids is not just academics or activities, but in character development... i'm always reminded of the statement a teacher made before we went on singing tours... she said we were like tubes of toothpaste... everyone would see what comes out when we're squeezed. i guess i'm mostly just disappointed that when squeezed with ultimately insignificant little things, too much of myself and not enough of Christ came out. but my hope comes in knowing that He's not through with me yet. He's taking the time to develop my character. and my hope
comes in knowing he can give beauty from gross, ugly ashes... but i guess that means
i have to be burned up and purified through fire before all that's
left is practically nothing... then i'll be moldable, shapeable, and transformed and more like Him.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Garden update
my poor friends and family. basically all i post about on facebook has to do with the garden. so i'll start here with a funny story about the kids.
i woke up this morning rather late.. it was after 9 and the house was quiet. i didn't mind since i had been up with annabelle whose fever had broken around 2 and her sinuses become super stuffed. so three hours of sniff sniff blow. cough cough. "i can't sleep". sniff sniff... i was quite tired. so i got up. texted dave about how late i had slept and why. went to the bathroom. mozied on out to the living room, expecting to see the other three kids either still sleeping in their beds are playing quietly. not one was in bed or in the house playing. so i look out into the backyard and saw micah. instead of continuing on to the kitchen like i would normally, i stood there and waved at micah. when she saw me i could read her lips that said "oh yay finally!" thinking she was waiting for me to get up to start breakfast i went into the kitchen, then realized that the kids werent able to come in.
they had locked themselves out.
for an hour!!!
sam was about to attempt to start a fire in an effort to warm up zosie, who had decided to join bandit in the doghouse to stay warm... not that it was actually that cold. and yes, i was serisouly cracking up by this point. we then proceeded to review all their options to get back in. #1 being bang on the window (which sam didn't want to do so he wouldnt' wake up annabelle who was in our room). #2 ring the doorbell over and over. #3 check for open windows. #4 remember that there's an extra key hidden (not that same wouldve remembered the code from a couple years ago). #5 run to a neighbor and borrow the phone to call me.
oh and they had gone out to check the garden btw and forgot to make sure the door was unlocked behind them. :)
so back to the garden... here's an overall shot of the garden.
Here's our compost pile that by the garden. food scraps and some green stuff from around the yard when it's available. tossed and turned once a week. it looks pretty tiny in the photo, but it's breaking down really quickly. i wish we had a chipper
and here's the photo again showing what's where (cause it was taking too long to type out and explain lol) so this is pretty much how things are laid out in the garden.
so quite a few things have sprouted well but then sort of halted. i'm hoping it's because the weather's been so inconsistent that they just need some good sunshine to get them going. it's also probably due to the fact that when we laid down the 3 inches of compost it settled a bit after the winter and really could have used another inch or two since everything underneath is either red clay or grass where we expanded. the grass seems to be breaking down fairly well underneath though. this is also on a slight incline and the top quarter of the garden (where the tomatoes, potatoes, and onions are) seems to dry out more quickly than the rest of the garden. this is all stuff i need to take note of for next year. i want to stick with BTE method and replant in the same location unless of course the location just isn't good for the specific plant based on the conditions available. i need to replant the basil. it was wiped out during hard rains but it'll go in the cinderblocks as well like the cilantro and dill. and those seem to be doing ok.
obviously the snap peas are doing the best. there are already a handful that will be ready in a day or two. literally overnight they grow an inch! (you can see a few from this morning HERE). and the rest, well, i just do what i can, pray the Lord grants me the wisdom to know what to do along the way as i research and learn from outside sources and from the garden itself.
i woke up this morning rather late.. it was after 9 and the house was quiet. i didn't mind since i had been up with annabelle whose fever had broken around 2 and her sinuses become super stuffed. so three hours of sniff sniff blow. cough cough. "i can't sleep". sniff sniff... i was quite tired. so i got up. texted dave about how late i had slept and why. went to the bathroom. mozied on out to the living room, expecting to see the other three kids either still sleeping in their beds are playing quietly. not one was in bed or in the house playing. so i look out into the backyard and saw micah. instead of continuing on to the kitchen like i would normally, i stood there and waved at micah. when she saw me i could read her lips that said "oh yay finally!" thinking she was waiting for me to get up to start breakfast i went into the kitchen, then realized that the kids werent able to come in.
they had locked themselves out.
for an hour!!!
sam was about to attempt to start a fire in an effort to warm up zosie, who had decided to join bandit in the doghouse to stay warm... not that it was actually that cold. and yes, i was serisouly cracking up by this point. we then proceeded to review all their options to get back in. #1 being bang on the window (which sam didn't want to do so he wouldnt' wake up annabelle who was in our room). #2 ring the doorbell over and over. #3 check for open windows. #4 remember that there's an extra key hidden (not that same wouldve remembered the code from a couple years ago). #5 run to a neighbor and borrow the phone to call me.
oh and they had gone out to check the garden btw and forgot to make sure the door was unlocked behind them. :)
so back to the garden... here's an overall shot of the garden.
Here's our compost pile that by the garden. food scraps and some green stuff from around the yard when it's available. tossed and turned once a week. it looks pretty tiny in the photo, but it's breaking down really quickly. i wish we had a chipper
and here's the photo again showing what's where (cause it was taking too long to type out and explain lol) so this is pretty much how things are laid out in the garden.
so quite a few things have sprouted well but then sort of halted. i'm hoping it's because the weather's been so inconsistent that they just need some good sunshine to get them going. it's also probably due to the fact that when we laid down the 3 inches of compost it settled a bit after the winter and really could have used another inch or two since everything underneath is either red clay or grass where we expanded. the grass seems to be breaking down fairly well underneath though. this is also on a slight incline and the top quarter of the garden (where the tomatoes, potatoes, and onions are) seems to dry out more quickly than the rest of the garden. this is all stuff i need to take note of for next year. i want to stick with BTE method and replant in the same location unless of course the location just isn't good for the specific plant based on the conditions available. i need to replant the basil. it was wiped out during hard rains but it'll go in the cinderblocks as well like the cilantro and dill. and those seem to be doing ok.
obviously the snap peas are doing the best. there are already a handful that will be ready in a day or two. literally overnight they grow an inch! (you can see a few from this morning HERE). and the rest, well, i just do what i can, pray the Lord grants me the wisdom to know what to do along the way as i research and learn from outside sources and from the garden itself.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Back to Eden Film Photo Contest
So in October I was told about the Back to Eden Film (watch it here) and decided to go for it; it was definitely something that made sense and i was so encouraged by the biblical foundation of the whole process. so we brought in some free compost from our city compost site in october to hopefully be ready for this spring. we used the area where the previous garden had been (overrun once again by weeds and red east texas clay) and decided to expand it in size, covering the grassy areas with paper first. (picture here)
The Back to Eden Film facebook page is having a photo contest for Earth day, so I went out and took a couple shots of our BTE garden that is sprouting up.
The Back to Eden Film facebook page is having a photo contest for Earth day, so I went out and took a couple shots of our BTE garden that is sprouting up.
BTE Photo Contest: Green Bean Sprout (i love discovering a new sprout)
BTE Photo Contest: Celery Sprouts (cut off the bottom of the celery bundle, then planted. new life from the old.)
BTE Photo Contest: Carrot Sprouts
I've really enjoyed the process this time around. it's not without it's obstacles, we have lots of squirrels who like to dig things up, but through it all i'm learning a lot.
Saturday, April 06, 2013
to plant or not to plant. that is the question.
I have a small dilemma.
Our neighbor sees me working in the garden and kindly offers me a couple tomato and pepper plants. I accept his offer because they are extra after he's planted what he wants. so he hands them to me in a couple big pots he's been growing them in and as we're chatting I ask what he had them in and he says just some miracle grow potting soil and I can feel free to put the extra soil that's in the pot over the garden...
waaagh. :'(
He's being so generous and neighborly... and now i don't know what to do. i have kept my garden 100% chemical free. i've only used oils and diatomaceous earth to control bugs. and as far as fertilizer i've only used worm casings and compost tea. in our past chats he's mentioned how he doesn't use pesticides in his garden so that's why i was a little less apprehensive to accept some seedlings, but i spoke before i realized what i had done in accepting them.
so the first problem is putting that bit of soil where my other tomatoes and peppers are will contaminate the soil around it, especially when it rains. can't do that. just can't.
the second problem, i won't be able to eat what grows from them, and I still couldn't, in good conscience, give the tomatoes and peppers to someone who doesn't even care about it being organic{like if I grew them in pots far from the actual garden.}
and he can clearly see the garden from his yard so he'll see that they aren't in there.
**crickets chirping**
Our neighbor sees me working in the garden and kindly offers me a couple tomato and pepper plants. I accept his offer because they are extra after he's planted what he wants. so he hands them to me in a couple big pots he's been growing them in and as we're chatting I ask what he had them in and he says just some miracle grow potting soil and I can feel free to put the extra soil that's in the pot over the garden...
waaagh. :'(
He's being so generous and neighborly... and now i don't know what to do. i have kept my garden 100% chemical free. i've only used oils and diatomaceous earth to control bugs. and as far as fertilizer i've only used worm casings and compost tea. in our past chats he's mentioned how he doesn't use pesticides in his garden so that's why i was a little less apprehensive to accept some seedlings, but i spoke before i realized what i had done in accepting them.
so the first problem is putting that bit of soil where my other tomatoes and peppers are will contaminate the soil around it, especially when it rains. can't do that. just can't.
the second problem, i won't be able to eat what grows from them, and I still couldn't, in good conscience, give the tomatoes and peppers to someone who doesn't even care about it being organic{like if I grew them in pots far from the actual garden.}
and he can clearly see the garden from his yard so he'll see that they aren't in there.
**crickets chirping**
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Garden Check-in
well. gardening has been interesting this year. quick review: we're trying a new method that a friend recommended. {you can learn about it at BacktoEdenFilm.com}. so i've been startting seeds and sowing seeds and missing dates, and starting some stuff over, fighting squirrels and so on. i've been sick quite a bit so i keep getting a bit behind on planting dates or transplanting seedlings, but it is what it is and i can only do what i can do and keep praying for God to bless the work we're investing into it.
so here's a few pics of what's developed over the last month.
Some Garlic sprouting up...
the snap peas. my beautiful snap peas, i could literally just sit outside and stare at them for a while. had to fight the squirrels on these too, they would dig them up and just leave them so i had to keep covering them back up. other than that, i'm about half way done with the bamboo trellis which is good because they already have little tendrils starting to shoot out... SO EXCITING!!! :) yeah i'm a little obsessed. it's ok.
our jalapeno peppers plants. trucking along. and i learned from my neighbor friday that bell peppers are super hard to start from seed.. which explains a lots because i've tried TWICE to germinate some and... nothing. grr. i really thought i had started some in years past but who knows.
couldn't find organic celery seeds, so i chopped a couple bottoms off of some organic celery stalks and stuck it in the ground. and YAY there's growth!aaa
and some other stuff waiting to get into the ground when the time is right. {twiddles thumbs}
so here's a few pics of what's developed over the last month.
spinach is hanging on... squirrels keep getting a might close and have ripped a few out. grr. but this is one of the plants that has several planting dates, so i just gotta keep filling in the gaps.
the snap peas. my beautiful snap peas, i could literally just sit outside and stare at them for a while. had to fight the squirrels on these too, they would dig them up and just leave them so i had to keep covering them back up. other than that, i'm about half way done with the bamboo trellis which is good because they already have little tendrils starting to shoot out... SO EXCITING!!! :) yeah i'm a little obsessed. it's ok.
our jalapeno peppers plants. trucking along. and i learned from my neighbor friday that bell peppers are super hard to start from seed.. which explains a lots because i've tried TWICE to germinate some and... nothing. grr. i really thought i had started some in years past but who knows.
couldn't find organic celery seeds, so i chopped a couple bottoms off of some organic celery stalks and stuck it in the ground. and YAY there's growth!aaa
and some other stuff waiting to get into the ground when the time is right. {twiddles thumbs}
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Tricksy Little Hobbitses...
Grr. I'm mad at myself.
I should have known better.
I mean DUH! I know that just because it SAYS organic doesn't mean it is. i KNOW that when it doesn't list all the ingredients its a red flag of them trying to hide something. and i KNOW better than to just glance over the brand. with all the energy and time we are devoting to the garden, i refuse to put anything in it that i wouldn't want going directly into the mouths of my children (so to speak).
so yeah, i bought some bone meal as a natural fertilizer {cause i don't have much access to chicken poop}. then today, in my feverish state (go figure), i realize that the brand Miracle Grow (organic choice or not) is part of Scotts... which boasts RoundUp as part of their "global family". STINK. STINK on EVERYTHING RoundUp and MONSANTO related. what's most frustrating is that this one was the only option in the store i was at. hmph.
so back to the store i go to return this item.... maybe Craigslist has some chicken poop??
I mean DUH! I know that just because it SAYS organic doesn't mean it is. i KNOW that when it doesn't list all the ingredients its a red flag of them trying to hide something. and i KNOW better than to just glance over the brand. with all the energy and time we are devoting to the garden, i refuse to put anything in it that i wouldn't want going directly into the mouths of my children (so to speak).
so yeah, i bought some bone meal as a natural fertilizer {cause i don't have much access to chicken poop}. then today, in my feverish state (go figure), i realize that the brand Miracle Grow (organic choice or not) is part of Scotts... which boasts RoundUp as part of their "global family". STINK. STINK on EVERYTHING RoundUp and MONSANTO related. what's most frustrating is that this one was the only option in the store i was at. hmph.
 |
| Say NO to Monsanto! |
so back to the store i go to return this item.... maybe Craigslist has some chicken poop??
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
spring 2013 schedule
this is how i attempt to juggle four grades.
and this is the matching assignment sheet:
and this is the matching assignment sheet:
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