Between Two Worlds.

I used to call myself a non-reader and really what i've realized is that i'm simply an extremely PICKY reader. if the first few pages don't hook me OR i don't have a lot of time to devote to diving into a book that i've heard about, then i won't read it. if i have to re-read a paragrah several time because i didn't get it the first two, then i REALLY will not read it.

well, while in india this last time i read two books {insert gasp here} one was "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom and the other was "The Silver Chair" by CS Lewis.

i don't have time to delve into everything i learned from the first (hopefully i can get that written out soon), but i've been stuck between two worlds since i've been home. the jet lag, mixed with being gone for 16 days made my own house seem strange and unfamiliar. of course now i'm re-aquainted with it and it's not strange anymore. it's the same with life... life at home, life at church, life with friends... i don't know, everything is the same, but different somehow. it's really very difficult to explain. the thought crossed my mind that it was sort of how the Pevensie children felt... like they were stuck in one world, longing for the next. how do you go back to living the same when you've lived two different lives.

i think the natural tendency for anyone is to do one of two things. forget one and focus on the other OR figure out a way to make the two worlds connect and co-exist.

at this point i don't know if either is actually possible. i'm currently stuck between the two. trying to figure where i belong now. once you've seen and experienced certain things, other things don't matter as much, but to the former world they still matter, so how do you go about living in the midst of that? how do you decide where to invest your time and energy now? the only answer i can give and the only answer that makes sense and will bring any sort of peace... is to ask the Father. He's placed me here. he's opened my eyes to things. he's broken me. i'm closer to the end of myself. i'm closer to his heart. that's scary to say, cause with it comes greater responsibility to represent Him better and trust Him even more.